The put upon
Although I typically include your insights in this newsletter, I am not doing that today as I have had a bit of an ah-ha moment.
This week, I have been feeling put upon. It seems that everyone has needed or wanted something from me and has presented me with steaming piles of their problems for me to solve. Honestly, I have been getting frustrated as my wants and needs move to the back burner. I have leaned into resentment and the story that "no one appreciates all I am doing/giving up to help them."
But why?
It is because I believe I have to make sure that everyone else is okay, and I need to clear the decks before I can do what is meaningful to me or brings me joy.
Do people intend to derail my plans? Do they expect me to drop everything to prioritise their needs? Do they know that sometimes, as I say "yes," I am at breaking point?
No, no and no.
Reflecting on this this week, I know it is not a "them" problem. It is very much a "me" problem. I prioritise others' requests not because they are demanding me to but because I demand myself to help, assist, and problem-solve. I enjoy the feeling of being of service...until I don't, and that "don't" sneaks up and pummels me without warning. It often pummels others around me, too.
Something to think about
By making sure that everyone and everything is alright before we attend to what we have declared is important to us, we feel good because I am being helpful, we get to blame others for our lack of progress, and we get to avoid the risk of failing at something personally meaningful.
Rather than always saying "yes" and prioritising others' demands and requests, we can choose how we use our support muscles. We cannot constantly flex them and push them to their limits. Instead, we can choose to use them wisely according to the situation and our needs.
Something to answer
Do you ever feel put upon? I invite you to think and/or journal about these questions:
What is the story you tell yourself when you feel put upon?
What do you fear about prioritising what is important to you over what is urgent for others?
How do you know the story and your fears are true?
Something to do
When you feel resentful, unappreciated, or put upon, close your eyes and notice where you are feeling it in your body. Get out of your head and notice the sensations you feel. It may be a tightening in the chest, a slump of the spine, and/or breathing rapidly.
Notice it. What is that feeling telling you?
As always, I invite you to share your insights and observations by replying to this email. Let me know if I can share them in next week's newsletter and if you’d prefer to remain anonymous.
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Much love,
Hope