I can't believe it
This week, I did a few shifts on a mental health crisis hotline, and for some reason, this was the first time a few of the callers mentioned my accent (for those that don't know - I grew up in the States and now live just north of London in the UK). While I tried to keep the focus on them and what they were going through, all of them asked where I was from and gasped when I told them I grew up in Florida.
The general response was, "Florida is amazing, I can't believe you would live here when everything is so much better there." Although I responded with a self-deprecating laugh and moved on with the conversations, it got me thinking about belief.
I do not believe everything in Florida is so much better than in the UK - (which explains why I no longer live there). In my experience, what they were saying was not true, yet for them, like many others, including my brother, this is what they believe and, therefore, what is true.
So, who is right? Who is wrong? What is true?
Something to think about
We have beliefs that differ from those of others, and sometimes, we have beliefs that are not true. Children often believe in Santa, but their belief does not mean that a jolly old man in a red suit circumnavigates the globe in one day on his sledge driven by reindeer. As adults, we know this not to be true. However, we often harbour beliefs about ourselves based on our past experiences and what others have told us is true about us.
One of my beliefs is that I have no value unless I am smart. It is not a belief I have about others, but it is one that my brain insists is true about me and automatically drives a lot of my thinking, feeling, and being without me being aware. It makes me reluctant to take risks, ask for help, put myself out there, and show vulnerability. But is it true?
Something to answer
Do you believe something about yourself that may not be true? I invite you to think and/or journal about these questions:
What do I believe about myself (and/or others) that is holding me back from what I want to do?
Whose voice do you hear or who do you see when you repeat this belief?
What would be different if this was not true?
I will be journalling along with you as I explore other beliefs that I have taken on that are either no longer true or were never true to begin with.
Something to do
Allow yourself to become curious about your beliefs. If, like me, you believe what makes you valuable to others, ask a few people you trust to share what they value about you.
You could also give yourself time and space to trace and follow the trail back to when and where you started to believe this to be true. Where did this belief come from? What was it protecting you from? Is it true now?
Consider how you can let it go. You might write it down on a piece of paper that you burn, thank it for protecting you and letting it know you no longer need it, or put up a reminder on a Post-it note that it is no longer true and look at that every day.
What belief do you have that may not be true? What will you do to let it go?
Again, I invite you to reply and let me know how it goes.
In response to last week
Last week's newsletter was about who we could be, and here are some of your thoughts:
"My initial reaction to the question was all the things I didn’t want to be….and rather than resist this, I decided to flow with it and wrote down all of those things. And then I put on an uplifting song and crossed off each thing I didn’t want to be and identified it’s opposite. This was an INCREDIBLE reflection. I don’t know that I would have gotten the clarity if I had just tried to muzzle the negative first reaction - my brain likes to act like a child needing a snack “MOM, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom. Mom. Mom. Can I. Can I have a snack? Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom.”… But using it? Was incredibly helpful."
"And, so now…hear I sit …wondering what’s next for me. I’m definitely taking things slow..I’m in no rush. I can definitely relate to listening to our soul and not our mind. Self-development has been a HUGE part of my life, and I realize it can do only so much without taking action. I started to commit to that earlier this year because it’s exhausting staying in my mind. I’m getting back into Pilates & Yoga that I started & plan to start Barre class as well! "
To everyone who replied, thank you for sharing your story. I apologize if I did not quote you directly in this issue of the newsletter, but know that I read every reply. I would love to hear your insights and how your thinking, journalling, and acting went, so reply to this email and let me know. I intend to anonymously share a few insights each week so that we learn from and support each other as we navigate the space between where we are now and where we would like to be.
If you know someone who would love this newsletter, which offers insights and tools for self-awareness, change, and living your best life (and some hope, too), please share it with them.
Much love,
Hope