The reset

Hello,

It has been quite a while since an email from me landed in your inbox, and I have missed it.

A few years ago, I thought I was crystal clear about what I wanted my life to look like, what work I wanted to be doing, and how my relationships would develop. My brain had a lot of logical ideas and a plan of action.

What I did not consider then was that these ideas and plans, when implemented, could be completely out of sync with my heart, body, and soul. These rational plans left no room for error and no space for life throwing its curveballs.

When I executed these plans with the same enthusiasm I had when I went back to university to obtain an MSc in Psychology, I failed to consider that while getting another degree was something I wanted for myself, these plans were radically different. They resulted from the "shoulds" and stories my brain had internalised as truths and beliefs about worth, value, and success.

So, I gave up working for myself to be employed by someone else for the first time in 17 years. My brain convinced me that choosing this path would allow me to work with clever people to grow, develop, and co-create. It was adamant that the job security would anchor me and allow me to weather any storms that arose.

These thoughts drowned out my brain's underlying belief that this role would allow me to prove my worth and be valued by others.

My brain was protecting me from the unacknowledged fear of not living up to expectations but did not let me in on its motivations.

Over two years, I juggled all of the balls. I performed my role well. I supported others on my team. I took on more work. I leaned in even harder when one of my boys went through an 18-month mental health crisis. I chose to work longer and gave up my time for yoga, reading, and walking the dog. I burned out completely.

In all the doing and proving, I failed to realise that my original motivations were no longer driving me. I was solely motivated by the fear of being perceived as a failure and proving to others that I was more than capable. Part of my brain told me I should be able to cut it, to excel in areas that drain me and are not strengths of mine, while another part of my brain, as well as my heart, body and soul, were screaming at me to stop running on fear-based autopilot.

Over a year later, I am beginning to fully appreciate the cost to myself and others of listening only to my fear-based brain, of accepting the "shoulds" as gospel without being more curious about where they come from, and of not trusting my intuition or my body's wisdom.

So, this season, I am choosing to give myself permission to take the time and create the space needed to tap into the wisdom of my head and heart, body, and soul. While I can envision what I want my life to look like, I am not jumping into planning or fixing mode—much to the disappointment of my striving, proving, rational brain.

However, I am leaning into connection, and I invite you to join me as I refine, refocus, and relaunch this newsletter, which offers insights and tools for self-awareness, change, and living your best life (and some hope, too).

Much love,

Hope